A new family for London

I start out the day with lots of patients. I play with the kids and have fun with them but when it hits 7 p.m. I lose it. All of my patients fly out the window. I get really short with my kids and I feel really bad because it is not a good way to end the day. Last night I was giving the kids a bath and I had taken Asher out and was getting him dressed. I poked my head back into the bathroom and caught London dumping the whole bottle of shampoo into the water. She has done this before and knows that it is a big no-no so she tried to hide what she was doing. I got mad and squirted them off with the shower (which they hate) because they had an inch of soap on their little bodies and made them go to bed without stories. London said she wanted a new family. I told her that was fine I would find her a new family. She immediately started packing her bags. She wanted to know what her new family would look like so I found a picture of her new family on the internet.

That's right. I told her she would be going to live with the Aadams family.

London: They look nice.

Me: They will be great. You will have a new sister and brother and new grandparents too.

London: They will give me lot's of toys and take me to school and be the best family ever.

Me: I hope so. You never know. Maybe they won't be as fun as us.

Pyper: They look scary. Don't go London, don't go.

London: I think that they are in their Halloween costumes. The mom has a nice smile. Where is a suitcase mom?

Me: Are you sure about this? You won't miss us?

London: No. Pyper you can play with all my toys and sleep in my room.

Pyper: But you are the mommy when we play barbies and I don't know how to be the mommy. Don't go London!

London: You will have all the toys to yourself Pyper.

I tried telling her that her brother and sister would miss her. I tried to explain how her dad would never recover if she left. I told her they may make her do more chores and work harder. I even told her that the Aadams lived in a place where it was always snowy and she wouldn't get to play out in the hot summer weather. She still wanted to go live with her new family.

I finally had to break down and tell her that I was just teasing her and that she was stuck with us forever, poor thing. Don't you hate it when your attempts at reverse psychology back fire? Maybe I should take a parenting class or read some more parenting books so I don't mess my kids up for life.

Happy Baby

Asher is a happy guy. He laughs probably 50% of the day. London is his favorite comedian. She can get him to laugh just by looking at him. She sits in back of him in the car and he laughs at her everywhere we go. Recently I have had her feed Asher because she likes it and he seems to be into it too. Here is a video of the two of them enjoying dinner. Please ignore his "future princess" bib. That's what happens when you have two older sisters.

The Last Swig

Let me preface this by saying that I am only posting this because everyday Kevin asks me if I have written this story on my blog yet. He thinks it is hilarious and I am trying to forget it happened. Writing about it brings it more into reality but oh well. At least it will get Kevin off my back. Here it goes.

So the other night, Kevin was playing some video game and noticed his big toe sticking out of his sock. His toe nail was a little long so he grabbed the clippers, snipped it off and then faced the dilemma of what to do with it. His pop can was sitting next to him, and there was only a swig or so left, so he stuck it in the can and went on with his game.

Along comes me. He sees me out of the corner of his eye, but doesn't really pay attention to what I am doing. We often share drinks so I pick up his can, and you guessed it, take a swig. I immediately spray the whole room in Cherry Vanilla Dr.Pepper and yell "What was in that can?"

That's right, I drank his toenail. I drank it all up. After I had stopped dry heaving Kevin and I collapsed on the couch laughing so hard that we were doing that silent, shaking thing. Needless to say, Kevin cleaned up the mess and I will not be sharing drinks with him in the near future.

Bathroom Break

So I have a phobia of public restrooms. So dirty and smelly and I want to use a whole bottle of hand sanitizer. I will avoid them at all costs even holding my bladder for hours if it means I can make it back to my own safe bathroom. So how did I end up with two kids who are obsessed with public restrooms? Everywhere we go the first words out of their mouths are "I have to pee!" I take them to the bathroom and all they really want is the novelty of seeing the room. They sit and "try" to go and then say "It's just not coming out. Guess I will have to try later." They then take a little tour of the bathroom, peeking under stalls (to my horror) and commenting on how pretty the sink is or how is smells. Only once in a long while is the bathroom trip a legitimate one.

We took a road trip this weekend and of course I can't expect the kids to hold their pee just because I am afraid of truck stop rest rooms. Half way to our destination, London had to go and if London has to go then Pyper has to go. I drag them all the way to the back of the gas station and we finally make it to the bathroom where there is a line. Awesome, I love to stand in line in the bathroom with little kids that have to touch everything. A stall opens up and, yes, I make all three of us go into one itty bitty stall to play musical toilet because I am horrified of someone taking my kid. London goes first, complaining the whole time that this toilet is dirty and she is too old to have to share a bathroom stall with us. Pyper goes, and then I go, because I am already there so might as well. London keeps trying to open the door and get out while I am sitting there half naked, so I am leaning forward to push on the door with one hand and the other hand is swatting Pyper away from the little garbage can on the floor that she is suddenly obsessed with. The whole time I am thinking "Why couldn't I have boys? Then Kevin would get to enjoy all these fun bathroom breaks."

We finish up and we head out to wash our hands. Pyper has to do everything herself so it takes quite awhile and then we push the button on the hand dryer. It is extremely loud. Pyper will not take her little wet hands away from her ears so I stick her whole head under the dryer which she is not a fan of. The other women in the bathroom are giving me strange looks and I am just trying to get out before their now clean hands are contaminated again.

I would like to say that this bathroom break was a little more chaotic then most, but this is pretty much our routine. We had almost the exact same experience on the way home except I got the handicapped stall. More room to move around, but then I can't reach the door when London opens it and I am half naked. I am looking forward to the day when they will also avoid public restrooms at all cost. I am on my way to passing on my phobia to the next generation.